Birth Story

I'm going to preface this story by first stating:

1 - I 100% believe hospital/modern medicine/pharmaceuticals have a rightful place in society. I use them. One of my children wouldn't be alive without them.

2 - I may not have a degree in any medical field but what I do have is EXTENSIVE medical knowledge, hands on experience and competency for many things including: Feeding tubes, ventilation, O², micro preemie care, brain injury care, pre & post op care and critical care mgmt, type 2 diabetes, type 1 diabetes, catheter insertion, colostomy bags, birthing 6 children... and that is just a few.

3 - While I do "my own research", I am not blind to the fact that not always is MY research going to be the best viable option. 

4 - If a medical professional tells you to "listen to your body", yet dismisses when you bring up concerns (no matter how small), it may be time for a different M.D.

My 11yo was with and got to cut the cord.

Ok, now... my story. I decided to write this out vs actually talking about it because I know myself and ugly crying would take place. With that said - I am hurt, upset, angry, frustrated and a bunch of other feelings. I need to get these out while they are still fresh and before they eat me alive. 

I should note that during my pregnancy, I had 99% of symptoms for preeclampsia but my BP would correct itself and so I didn't fit the textbook case.

Due to my age, an induction was scheduled at 39wks. I arrived at the hospital at 7am. No issues. I was given Cervidil (a medicine that is inserted vaginally next to your cervix). This softens your cervix and helps start things in motion. I was already 2-3cm dilated prior to this medication.

After a few hours with no changes my Dr thought it best to switch to Pitocin. One of my birthing 'rules' is that I don't want to be hooked up to any unnecessary monitoring or poles during the labor process. I do allow for a hep lock/saline lock (just a fancy way of saying I let the nurses start and IV line but they cap it) incase intervention is needed. Pitocin = the joys of being hooked to a pole. My nurse asked where I wanted the IV placed but didn't agree with or feel it was a great spot so after 2 separate nurses, 4 attempts and a blown vein, the staff finally listened to ME and put the IV line in where I originally said to put it.

Blown Vein

Now it is around 10am and I am stuck to the bed. At 1pm (give or take) I had progressed to 4 cm dilation. I wanted an epidural so we had the anesthesiologist come to put it in. Out of everything, the epidural gives me the most anxiety. I'm talking panic attack inducing. I warned all the nurses and the anesthesiologist of this fact. It was here, my feelings towards my labor started to turn. During the procedure, the anesthesiologist hit a nerve in my right leg. It shot an INVOLUNTARY spasm through my leg. I was chastised for moving my leg INVOLUNTARY. I am already in near panic mode, Bret (husband) has me in an awkward headlock position to keep me from moving (yes, laying on me arm around my head/neck) and yet this man wants to be frustrated with me because of something I couldn't control?? 

By 1:30p-2pm, epidural was in and my Dr said we were going to break my water. Fine. I have no issues with that. The only pain I was feeling was from the blown vein in my arm because they had to do BP checks every 30 min. They can't do the cuff on my arm with the IV, so they have to do them on the arm that has the burst vein. NOT a pleasant process.

All of the sudden, my BP spiked. I hit 180/?? and had continual readings in the high 160's. It was determined that SURPRISE I do in fact have preeclampsia. The only 'cure' for preeclampsia is delivery.

Water broken - check. Epidural in - check. They started the Pitocin again. I was given a BP medication (I can't remember the name of it) and that helped a bit to bring my numbers down but I was still in that "not a good place", place.

Fast forward to 5pm(ish). I mention to the nurse that maybe my epidural medicine needs to be upped a bit because I was feeling contractions and pressure. I was assured all was fine. Ok. So a bit of discomfort, it's labor. I expect that. I asked for a cervical check at this time (6ish pm). I was still at 4cm. By 7pm, I was REALLY feeling pressure. I asked again for a cervical check. Let me enlighten you if you have never had one, they are NOT COMFORTABLE. So it isn't like this is something many moms ASK for. it feels like someone is reaching to itch your brain through your vagina. I was told I didn't need one and that it was the Pitocin level that was giving me a pressure feeling. 

I have never had Pitocin before so I just went with the flow. At around 8pm, my Dr came in. It IS important to note, my Dr and our family are good acquaintances. When Bret's first daughter passed away his wife delivered food to our home, Timothy and one of the doctors son's went to Boy Scouts together and he has delivered my last 2 children. He knows my wishes and has respected them with minimal push back. This night, he was celebrating his sons bday. He wanted to check with me first to make sure I wasn't farther along because he was going to swing home. Fine by me. He lives like 2 blocks away. The nurse told him I was still 'at a 4'. Based off that number, we all agreed he was well in the 'safe zone' to leave.

10pm and all heck breaks loose. I am feeling pressure and a need to push that I had NEVER felt before. I asked once again to be checked. I was told AGAIN, that it probably wasn't necessary because I was 'only a 4' less than 2 hrs ago. I said I didn't care, please check me. Wouldn't you know it... IM AT A 10 and FULLY effaced with baby's head RIGHT THERE. Nurses words: "Oh shit! Call Dr (insert name here)." 

Second nurse comes in, (side note, the second nurse I specifically asked to NOT be assigned to me. Not because she is bad, but I am not confident in her abilities) and says to nurse 1 "Do you want me to check her too?". Ummm... no...!? Nurse 1 says no but tells nurse 2 she can help bring in the warmer and 'xyz' items. As they are doing their thing, baby's heart drops from 150's to 45. Next thing we know baby's HB is gone. So now not only am feeling like I have to push, feeling massive contractions that my epidural should be handling & being told NOT to push; I have both nurses on my belly with dopplers trying to find a fetal HB. Thats when they realize... NO ONE HAS CALLED MY DR YET!!!

One nurse goes to call, one nurse is on the fetal HB monitor, a CNA comes in with the "Kangaroo Pack", towels, all the necessary things and another nurse is trying to take the end of my bed off for the delivery and the bed breaks. They cant get the end to come off.

The nurse on my monitor is TRYING to look calm but failing, my BP is a rocket, we can't pick up baby's HB, I am laying with my legs crossed and Bret pressing my hips down so I don't accidentally push her out (like that's really going to help, but it's the thought that counts right?).

2 more contractions that I am FULLY FEELING later, and my Dr arrives. I release my legs. The poor man doesn't even have his labor cape on. He throws on a pair of gloves, looks down at my girly bits (like literally just LOOKS, doesn't touch) and goes "Oh, yeah you should push". 3 pushes and she SHOT OUT. Bret said it's a good thing the bed didn't come apart like they wanted because she SLID across the area they were trying to take off. 

So at this point baby is out, they place her on my chest. She is coughing a bit and I say "Can someone maybe suction her?". Nurse 2 (that I didn't want) says "Oh I think she's fine. We want her to have as much skin to skin as possible". Lady, I didn't ask you to keep her. I want you to suction her mouth and nose! While you do that you can weight her too and maybe do an Apgar on her? Just an idea. It will take you less than 5 minutes, but whatever. At least give me the darn bulb syringe and I can suction her then. 

As all of that is happening, I am still waiting to deliver my placenta. Dr tells me the cord is very thin and so he has to be a bit more delicate so it doesn't break off leaving the placenta inside. This is an area of modern medicine that I have no idea about. I'm leaving that to the professionals. A few moments later the Dr tells me that everything came out fine, yes the cord was thin and weak but the placenta looks good.

Everything is cleaned up, baby is on me, the only explanation I get about her decelerated HB is it "probably had to do with the cord being so weak". Again, not my wheel house, I go with the explanation. After all is settled, it's close to midnight. Bret, baby and me all settle in. I nurse a bit (keep in mind, not all my colostrum has even come in yet) and we fall asleep. Baby doesn't wake, doesn't cry. I am UTTERLY EXHAUSTED, I am sleeping sitting up in the hospital bed with baby's back on the bed between my outstretched legs.

Now, having had 6 births I have heard EVERYTHING. Wake them every 2 hrs to feed. Don't wake them, they will wake when they are hungry. They just had a traumatic experience, they need rest. Make them uncomfortable every 3-4 hrs so they want to wake and feed. You get the idea. It is EVER CHANGING depending on who is giving you the guidance. For this particular night, I went with the "we both just had a body changing experience and need rest." guidance. Remember that whole part I said at the beginning about listening to your body? 

7am comes around and baby wakes. I nurse again. She falls back asleep. About 7:30-8am the nurse comes in to do vitals on her and tells me her temp is too low and she wants to take her glucose. **Paraphrasing here - Low glucose can lead to hypothermia in newborns because they can't regulate body temp correctly and they use up something called 'brown fat' trying to compensate. 

Her blood sugar was dangerously low. I was asked how many times I fed her over night. From 1am-7am, it was 1x at 7am and then the one feeding before we fell asleep. Again... I was prioritizing rest for her and me. My colostrum wasn't even fully in. She got a few drops at most each feeding. Turns out... the BP medicine they gave me during labor has this neat little side effect that gives the baby LOW BLOOD SUGAR and the baby needs to be fed more often to compensate. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO KNOW. Instead, I was chastised by both my Dr for not nursing more over night and the nurse for not asking for lactation help. I didn't need lactation help and I would have tried to nurse more often HAD I KNOWN OF THIS SIDE EFFECT!

So now, I am feeling like a huge failure. Its 8am, I need to feed my baby to keep her blood sugar up but my body hasn't produced what is needed yet, I am physically exhausted, emotionally drained... My agoraphobia is kicking in. I just want to go home. I want to recoup in my bed, with my baby.

We decided to do glucosamine gel between feedings to help her body out. They tell me we will check her sugars every hour to make sure they are stabilizing and if all is well we can go home after her 'tests'. Well, again, I am still not producing enough to really 'feed' where she needs so I went and got formula.

6lbs 4oz

An hour later my Dr comes back. He tells me her low sugars are a serious danger and he doesn't understand why I am adamite about wanting to leave the hospital.

Well - here is a few points I need to make that seem to have been overlooked by the hospital staff: 1) Had I know about the side effect, I could have done something different to help this situation. 2) I have 5 children at home who still need supervision. 3) Now that I know what is happening, I have ALL THE EQUIPMENT at home to monitor this situation and all the tools to continue to fix it. Sitting in a hospital bed isn't going to make the situation magically improve. YES, I understand that being IN the hospital would make emergency treatment easier/faster. I am NOT saying I know better. I am saying that I can do everything the hospital was doing at home.

Then my Dr starts in on my choices to not have a PKU test done and to not give a Vitamin K shot and do the oral instead (for the record, he has given my 2 prior babies the oral Vitamin K, why he is having an issue now is something I don't understand). I try to articulate that this is just how I want our treatments to go. That my wishes have not changed in the past 8 years and that this was exactly what we did with our last 2 children HE delivered. The Dr then hits me with "well, we need to have 2 consecutive sugar levels above 50 without the gel, 3 hours apart before I will let you leave." He also tells me he won't do the oral Vitamin K because it is no longer 1 dose and I will have to come in every day for a week to have it administered. You can't give me an Rx for it? 

Keep in mind, Bret is in the room as this is happening. He is frustrated and sleep deprived. The Dr turns to HIM and says "Is it OK to give her the shot then?" Bret is stunned, I am near tears, we both just want to go home! 

So, against my wishes, my baby gets a shot of Vit K. She is also being bottle fed formula because I need to keep her sugars up for the next 6hrs when just an hr prior we were OK to check every hour but magically when I say I want to go home it's now "hospital policy" that the checks come every 3 hrs??

Now, if all of this stress wasn't enough, my Dr... again, remember he is a good family acquaintance, turns to me and says "I feel I can say this to you as a friend. You know you have a 'rebellious spirit' right?" And launches into a story about how his wife has such a spirit too and how God can work on that with me. - Friends, I LOST IT. There is a time and place to say such a thing. This was DEFINITELY NOT THE TIME. I am trying to advocate for myself and my child in a situation that I wasn't given ALL THE FACTS TOO. I am 44 years old with now 7 children. I am a fully functioning adult woman who isn't stupid to the 'hospital policy ' changes, the attempts at gaslighting for tests and shots... Just because I don't agree with a medical professional on their course of treatment doesn't make me have a 'rebellious spirit'! 

I couldn't speak. I broke DOWN. I know what I wanted to say. I COULDN'T. Words would not form. I couldn't look at him anymore. Because I didn't agree with how he wanted things to go, I now have a rebellious spirit, even though NOTHING had changed from my previous births at this hospital by HIS HANDS. I honestly don't remember what was said after that point. All I know is he left, I shut down and just sobbed. I spent the next 6hrs sitting in 

a broken hospital bed, feeding my baby formula against my wishes, rehashing every decision I made during this labor and delivery, all so that I could go home.

I think my Dr tried to talk to me before we left. He purposely wrote out an Rx for my breast pump, when in 99% of cases it would have been done electronically, and hand delivered it. I wouldn't look at him. I know I took the Rx and handed it to the nurse next to me and told her to fax it. After that, I left the room so I don't know if more was said to Bret. I just wanted to go home.

For me, this whole experience was not something I would wish on another. Some of you may read this and say it wasn't so bad. Others will read this and fully understand my anguish. I don't need validation. I am just explaining my experience THIS pregnancy. I am still recovering both physically and mentally. Baby is doing 100% fine after having the exact same treatment at the hospital she would have had at home. Blood sugars are up, we are working on breastfeeding to help my supply and get her over the nipple confusion hump. 

I am still beating myself up over all the things I should have said but didnt. The hurt I have for feeling like I didn't advocate enough. The inner turmoil I have for giving in to the pressure of a shot I didn't want my child to have and treatments that could have been avoided.

While this was NOT the way I had foresaw my birth story to go - the end result is a beautiful 6lb 4oz baby girl that I am blessed to call my child. That is the part I will continue to focus on.